Wednesday, September 15, 2010

25 Days or 3-1/2 Weeks

I'm not sure why, but thinking of the wedding in terms of days makes it seem further away ... 25, that's a lot, right? It's almost a month! But when you really think about it, 3 and 1/2 weeks isn't really that long. I have deadlines at work already for 25 days away.

I'm starting to get really emotional and easy to upset. I hate it. I hate feeling like a basket case, like people are looking at me and thinking "bridezilla" or "unreasonable" or whatever people think. I care way too much what people think these days. I'm basically done with everything. Basically. I want to be done so bad. I naively assumed that it would be smooth sailing from here on out. Ha! Maybe after next week ...

Regardless of what is left to do, I get to see all of our hard work, saving, planning, problem solving and growth through this process pay off. There has been so much momentum toward "the day" lately that it catches me off guard sometimes that I'm actually getting married. There's so much more to this than planning an event. I feel myself being pushed across the bridge of wedding planning, of being "bride" not yet "wife ... into the vast unknown state of being someone's wife.

Me? Married? Whoa.

The vows are weighting heavy in my mind and on my heart these days. It's hard to write out exactly how you feel about someone you are going to commit your life to because so much of our day to day is about how we feel, not about how we think about how we feel. I have this irrational fear that Big Spoon's vows will be better than mine ... that my words will somehow fall flat or fail to convey exactly how much he means to me and why.

I think that we've both decided to write our vows while he is away on a conference in a few weeks. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I think so. I'm also planning to have a bachelorette party while he is away, nothing crazy ... just quality time with my best girl friends.

So that's pretty much it. We're getting married in 25 days. The end of this journey and the beginning of a new one.

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