Tuesday, November 17, 2009

It helps to speak up

I know that I've been delinquent in posting here; I've been slammed with work and trying to get out from underneath it. Alas, that doesn't look like that's going to happen for at least another month or so. Of course, that didn't stop me from trying to be a people-pleaser; this time, though, it came to the detriment of our relationship.

Little Spoon had a dinner party with one of her friends set up for us on Saturday, and we were also slated to go to The Marriage of Figaro on Sunday. The problem was that I needed to work all weekend just to keep my head above water. However, I didn't want to disappoint Little Spoon by backing out on the dinner party, and I didn't want to give up tickets that were waiting in my name for the opera she said she'd always wanted to see. So I ended up playing the martyr, not really letting her know what was going on in my head and the direness of my straits.

As a consequence of my martyrdom, my mood grew progressively more foul throughout the weekend, and it became increasingly obvious that my counting the hours of lost productivity was doing neither of us any good. I felt so bad toward the end of Sunday night that I blew up in frustration after spending another half hour on the phone with my parents when I had just settled into a working groove again.

If I had been clearer about the time pressure I was under, Little Spoon would have been happy to release me from my social obligations so that I could get work done. She even offered not to go to the opera, knowing that it wasn't likely to be a ball of fun with my prickly affect. But noooooooo...I had to knowingly stretch myself too thin, with my mood and Little Spoon's feelings paying the price. After cooling off for a day, I apologized to her for being so upset. Nevertheless, if only I'd have thought about voicing my needs a few days earlier, the need for an apology would never have arisen.

It's amazing how much conflict speaking up for yourself in a healthy relationship can spare.

1 comment:

  1. I love that you are confident enough in our relationship to write about it here for the world to see, even if you get fewer comments :) Being in a relationship with you has been the best growth process I've ever experience. I want to be a better woman for myself and for you. I love you, Big Spoon.