Tuesday, August 03, 2010

68 Days

No major "to do list" updates today. I haven't been very concerned with it over the past week or so. I've been introspective, sorta low-energy, dealing with planning hiccups and busy writing our ceremony.

We had a good weekend, overall, and spent lots of quality time together (and with the kitties!). I finished writing our ceremony. That's a big deal. On my short two-day trip this Thursday, I've made it my goal to write my vows. I think all this introspection is moving me toward something and putting me in the frame of mind to actually write from my heart. That sort of thing is difficult when you feel overwhelmed by things to do and places to go and people to please. 

In two months and a week, I'll be someone's wife. I will no longer be just Little Spoon - I will be Mrs. Spoon. And as strange as it sounds, I still think of things in terms of "I can't believe this is happening to me."   It is both confusing and exciting. I don't feel like I'm turning in to someone else or abandoning my old self, but being challenged to become a better version of myself. I'll have a new last name and a new role. That's heavy stuff.

I've been reading a lot of Practical Wedding lately and strangely, lots of posts about calling off weddings and divorce. Why? Because I need to be sure that I'm sure. I need to open my mind to every possible outcome and be 100% secure in my decision to become Big Spoon's wife and to accept Big Spoon as my husband. So far, at the end of every one of those stories, I feel better. I feel sure of what I'm doing. Confident, even, that my reasons for marrying are not superfluous.

People always told me that relationships are hard work, but I never really had the opportunity to find out before Big Spoon. Dating for me meant that boyfriends stuck around for two to six months, or worse, about a week. Being in a relationship with Big Spoon has taught me a lot about communication and hard work. It isn't all rainbows, but I finally became wise enough that I don't expect it to be.

When we first became engaged, it was a lot easier to immerse myself in wedding planning than to deal with these life changes - sometimes I would stick my head out of the water long enough to really think about what was happening, but I would get sucked back in again and again. The closer we get to the wedding, the more I think about my reasons, our relationship and what life will hopefully be like for us "after."

After, after, after. Is that where the phrase "happily ever after" came from? I know I'll sure be happy "after" the wedding is over. It's been fun, it's been real, it's been real fun ... but I'm looking forward to that living that experience 68 days from now. I'm ready for married life to begin.

1 comment:

  1. Just found your adorable blog! I absolutely love the name!! And congrats on getting closer!

    Anyway, have you heard of (or been to :) Wedding 101 @ The Factory in Franklin? Completely free resource for brides but they are having a Bridal Expo on August 22nd with food and cake and an auction benefiting the Fairy Godmother Project of Music City. I just wanted to pass it along! :)