One Month of Marriage

 {my sister & MOH took this picture in the garden at Rose Mont on our wedding day}

Happy first month of marriage to us! It has flown by ... it hardly seems possible that today marks one full month since our wedding day. Perhaps that is because I'm still muddling through it all ... or I'm just really happy. Could be both!

I am officially the "new"me! I love my new last name. I have almost completed the name change process and it has been much easier than I had anticipated. I've changed it all but my passport since our honeymoon was booked in my maiden name.

I'm still waiting for a deeper sense of closure of the "engagement and planning" chapter for a variety of reasons. We noticed on Friday that our wedding pictures were up on our photographers gallery page, so hopefully we'll see a DVD in the mail soon and I'm picking up our wedding video and highlight reel on Thursday at lunch.

I'm happy to be married. I just kinda want all of the wedding "stuff" to disappear. I still have a mound of it to go through, sort, sell, discard, preserve ... and a closet full of gifts to find a place for throughout our home (but this is so much fun, I'm not complaining!) I'm trying to decide what to part with and what is worth keeping in hopes of passing it down the generational line. I've managed to sell both the cake stand and the cake bling thus far, as well as some smaller items to Margaret.

What I imagined feeling like after our wedding and what I actually feel like are two separate things - both good and bad. I don't really feel married or any different than I already felt about our relationship ... that's a good thing... I guess I already felt married; this is the deepest commitment I've ever made and I made it in my heart long before our wedding day. I expect it to hit me any day now ... but what the "it" is, I do not know. The one thing I've noticed, however, is that we have a lot more fun together now that the wedding is over. I think that is a GREAT thing.

I don't feel the kind of relief I anticipated. It wasn't like I was expecting sunshine and daisies, but maybe I forgot to factor in that the "stuff" would still exist after the wedding. It didn't magically disappear and I still have to deal with it all. However, I'm okay with how I'm feeling and the way this relief feels ... I've slowly been able to deal with and process some things that I wasn't thrilled with and simultaneously made an effort to dwell on those things that I'm really happy about. I'm proud of our wedding, our hard work and how it all helped us to build a stronger partnership and understanding of one another.

Don't get me wrong. I do feel relief that it's over and we can move on with our life together. It just doesn't feel like I thought it would.

I'm making more of an effort to bask in the little joys of our wedding day and anticipate a wonderful honeymoon over Thanksgiving week. I'm thinking of the honeymoon as a way to close the door on the wedding and move forward with our goals as a couple and my individual goals (I'm a planner and a list maker, if you haven't noticed.)

The best part about being married to Big Spoon this first month will sound sort of strange and possessive, but I just like the feeling of being his ... wife, partner, best friend all rolled into one. I'm it. And he's it for me. I love seeing that wedding band on his hand every morning. I love us taking care of each other. I love calling him "husband" and being introduced as his "wife."