Thursday, February 03, 2011

Nesting Spoons: Wedded Bliss

I was recently asked to talk about our wedding in an interview for the locally based magazine HER Nashville. The article was titled "Reclaim Your Wedding" and features floral designer and bride-to-be Hillary Robson of Brocade Designs as well as Marie McKinney-Oates of Nashville Marriage Studio.

The article explores the darker side of wedding planning - people pleasing, hurting feelings, feeling overwhelmed or alone, inadequate or just plain bad. It's a great read for those brides out there who may be feeling some self-doubt and second-guessing when they see beautifully photographed weddings everywhere.

Almost four months after our wedding, I really enjoyed reading this article and reflecting on my own journey, a small part of which was shared for the article. Simply put, our wedding wasn't everything I'd hoped it would be. There were some issues and some let-downs. As an American bride, one has been inundated with the idea of "perfect" since childhood. When I did this interview, I was still ankle-deep in post-wedding blues. Even though I attempted to mentally prepare myself for less-than-perfect, it was still difficult for me to let go of some things that went wrong ... until lately.

What changed?

Well, life. Really. I'm married! I'm married to the most amazing, brilliant, funny man I've ever known. Some days, it just hits me out of the blue how incredibly lucky I am to have him and the life we're building. Do you know what I don't think about in those moments? The things that went wrong at our wedding. I think about the last Saturday when we spent two hours just talking. I think about his face as I read my vows to him. I think about how much we laughed driving away from the venue to our wedding night hotel.

I'm so proud of the fact that we planned our wedding together and that ultimately, it was a reflection of who we are as a couple - regardless of the things I wasn't happy with. We did it on a budget because that mattered a lot to us. But I'll let you in on a little secret ... we're just as married as the couple who spent $95 on a marriage license and eloped. We're just as married as the couple who spent $30K and got featured on a big name wedding website.

The day after our wedding, I was so pissed off at myself for not spending more money on X or Y thing. I even talked about it at the Smart Bride Workshop. (What I said to those brides is still true - be careful who you hire to provide services for your wedding.) However ... Big Spoon and I did something really big last week. REALLY. BIG. And it made us feel like rock stars. All the wedding stuff floated away, sealed tightly in a little compartment in my mind where I'll go to reflect and remember.

We paid off our second mortgage.

We felt awesome. I felt like, "Wow, I'm really glad we didn't spend more than that on the wedding. This is great!" He felt like, "Wow, I'm really glad my wife is okay with doing something practical with our money and not blowing it on something fun, but unnecessary!"

I truly believe that planning a budget wedding helped lead us to marital bliss. We spent below our means and discussed every purchase. We chose to use the money we could have spent on more important things. After a tough first couple of months of marriage for me (I had the post-wedding blues pretty darn bad), I've settled in to being blissfully wed. I love my husband. I love our life.

No comments:

Post a Comment