Sunday, February 21, 2010

Balanced Life or Wedding Obsessed?

Let's face it, for most women, planning a wedding is really fun. It can be an exciting, enjoyable experience that brings you closer to your family and friends and puts you in touch with your creativity. However, planning a wedding is also stressful, frustrating, and can easily cause the engaged couple relationship problems ... especially when there is an unbalanced focus on the wedding versus the relationship and "normal" life.

Although I don't believe that Big Spoon or myself fall into the "zilla" category, there is a level of wedding obsession of which I am guilty. While we're being honest, I never thought I would get married. Perhaps I've said it before, but by the time I was 25, I had dealt with the possibility that I would never meet anyone compatible and that I would be single the rest of my life. And I was more than okay with that. Which is why it is super weird that I am so wedding obsessed! Big Spoon was a big surprise. Even more surprising is his interest in planning the wedding together. As of April 13, we will be engaged for a year,  but only a couple for a year and a half. Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of who we are as a couple outside of this wedding madness. There is SO MUCH PRESSURE to have the coolest, most DIY, most thrifty, gorgeous, unique wedding day EVA! And it sucks because it is so easy to get swept up in it.

That saddens me. It also saddens me that instead of dealing with some adjustment issues head on or what I want for my career (I'm in my 5th year and need to plan for the next 5) or making plans with friends or all the DIY projects I've been planning for the house, I prefer to throw myself into wedding planning and more often than not, things that do not matter a whit.

So why am I talking about this on our blog? Because we had a big, scary fight this week.

I'm ashamed of myself for putting the wedding before our relationship. I'm frustrated with myself for reading a dozen different wedding websites and blogs every single day when I have gathered all the inspiration and ideas we need. I'm upset that I'm having such a difficult time finding the balance that I know I need and "we" need. I'm mad because I've been so needy lately that I was ignoring Big Spoon's needs for my own.

After a few days, we've managed to get back on the same page, so to speak. I know that there will be more ups and downs getting to the wedding day and more necessary planning and "do"ing, but ultimately, it is just ONE DAY. I'd rather have a good marriage for the rest of my life with Big Spoon than a picture-perfect wedding day.


  1. Aww friend! I totally understand this post - like.. at some point we have to say enough is enough! Its hard!

    Head over to my blog.. I have something fantastic for you!

  2. Woo-hoo! Thank you for the win! Then again, as a purported manly man, I'm not sure I'm supposed to be happy about such things.

    It's important to note that I am also to blame for our disagreement. I'd been spending a good amount of time away from Little Spoon at work, in part because of the odd hours I was keeping. We talked about the need for me to keep a more predictable schedule and to prioritize time with each other. We're working out a weekly time to spend with each other - not necessarily doing anything special, but to really be together as a couple instead of feeling like a couple of roommates passing in the night.

  3. It's easy to do and really, I'm sure everyone does it. Blogger or not. What's most important though is that you figured it out and stopped it well in advance of the wedding day, so good for you (BOTH OF YOU)!!