20 Things That I Would Never Change About Our Wedding Day

1) Planning our wedding myself with Big Spoon. It was still ours, regardless of the flaws.

2) Seeing Big Spoon holding my bouquet in the rose garden, waiting for me and looking all sexy in his tux.

3) Taking the pictures before the ceremony. I still think it's better than waiting until after because people won't wait for you. They leave.

4) Having our closest family, friends & colleagues there to celebrate with us.

5) Our date. I love 10.10.10. Everyone who thinks it's cliché and silly can suck it.

6) My grandfather's words of wisdom in the receiving line.

7) Big Spoon putting my wedding band on backwards after digging it out of his tux pocket. So cute!

8) Crying while I read my vows to him. And kissing him afterward, even though I'm supposed to wait until the end.

9) Our officiant and celebrant. They were perfect and our choice was deeply meaningful to us.

10) My flowers! OMG ... my flowers were AMAZING. Auh-ma-ZING!!!

11) My cake was gorgeous! and tasty!

12) Our caterer rocked everyone's socks. I love Rita.

13) My DIY details. Everything looked wonderful. Especially the coffee filter pomanders. My friends RULE.

14) Writing our ceremony and vows. I'm totally biased, but ours was the prettiest sounding wedding I've ever been to ;)

15) My dress. I loved my dress and didn't want to take it off.

16) Choosing to not cover my tattoo.

17) Taking lots of little moments with Big Spoon (mostly to calm me down) and feeling very close to him that day.

18) Paying a recent film school graduate to shoot our wedding. We have our vows on DVD and that's truly special.

19) Waiting to go on our honeymoon.

20) Having a wedding. I wouldn't change it, no matter how many times I wonder if a courthouse wedding would have been easier.

Our Wedding: Best Memories

Sometimes, when I reflect on our wedding, I have a tendency to dwell on those things that went wrong. Over the past five months, I've made an effort to do less of that and try to remember more things that I really liked or enjoyed about our day. After all, we put in a lot of hard work to make the day special and in many ways, it was exactly that. Here are some of my favorites from our wedding day ...

• Advice from my grandfather. Between the two of us, all but one set of grandparents have passed away. I was terrified during our 18 months of planning that my 80-year-old maternal grandparents would be unable to attend the wedding. As luck would have it, both my Papa and Granny were there for the entire wedding. As they came through the receiving line, my Papa took one of my hands and one of Big Spoon's. With many tears, he told us simply to "just love one another. Love one another every day. That's what we've done and we've been happily married for 62 years." That was the most special thing anyone said that day, aside from my husband's vows. I'll never forget it and I tear up every time I think about it.

• Big Spoon cried when I read my vows to him. I really didn't expect that.

• My handsome husband. Speaking of Big Spoon, as memorable as our "first look" was before picture taking, my clearest memory is of his face during the ceremony and our first dance. That's one of the first things I think about when I reflect. Just his handsome face.

• My flowers blew me away. My friend Jasmin of Artisan Flowers is so amazingly talented. We became friends at our first design job and she gave me one of the most incredible wedding gifts. I trusted that she would do an excellent job, but I swear to you, my flowers look like I paid thousands for them. Thousands. I consider her one of my dearest, best friends and I'll never forget how fortunate I am to have that friendship, above and beyond the wedding flowers. I'm not sure how I'll ever repay her. They were hands down my favorite detail of our wedding.

• The drive off. Transportation was not a priority for us and we didn't do a big send off because I knew our guests well enough to know that they would start leaving before we did. We stuck around and tried to make sure things got put away and sent with the proper responsible people. There were lots of hugs and kisses, then Big Spoon and I hopped in my car and took off toward our hotel. We laughed and talked about our wedding all the way there.

We're Being Featured!

Over the weekend, I was thrilled to receive an email from Ashley's Bride Guide asking to feature our wedding on the ABG blog and Facebook Fan page this week! Although I'll certainly update this post with links after it's up, be sure to watch for it on Ashley's Bride Guide.

ABG is the "go-to" resource for Nashville weddings. I found so many great vendors, made many friends and attended wonderful events during my wedding planning process all through Ashley's Bride Guide! It's a wonderful resource and great place to start if you are newly engaged or looking for that last fabulous vendor.

While you're at it, check out her amazing website True Wedding Junkie - an enormous blog roll of wedding vendors, bridal blogs and more wedding inspiration than you can handle!

Loneliness and disappointment

source

Little Spoon and I had very different experiences on our wedding day leading up to the ceremony itself. I was happy, relaxed, and just went with the flow. She...well, she had to deal with a lot of stresses, many of which surrounded vendors arriving late.

So what is it that let me enjoy myself, whereas she was stressin' big time, aside from the fact that I didn't need anyone to help me get ready? I think a big part of it was that she did all of her prep work that morning alone. In contrast, I had my parents around to help me get the cameras from my lab, to show off my research projects, to help me stay on task as we got ready to leave...and to put up with my darting back into the house no less than three times for items I'd forgotten.

In short, I had a social support network around me, and she didn't.

She didn't have anyone with her to gush about how she was feeling, or to help her keep on track, or to deal with any frustrations that arose. No, she was by herself. She even pumped her own gas before arriving at the venue. And in hindsight, that wasn't cool.

Jim Coan has done some interesting research that shows how social support can help people deal with negative emotions. Even the act of holding someone's hand can make them feel less stressed under situations of threat. Might not the same have been true for Little Spoon if I'd been with her...or her mom, or sister(s), or someone with whom she felt close? Might it have helped her feel less distressed?

Ultimately, we'll never know for sure. However, for those brides looking to go it alone on your wedding day; to meet your family, friends, and future spouse only at the venue; I have this to say: DON'T. Take someone with you. Someone you love. Someone who can get you through the eustress - the stress that comes from joyous but life-altering events - and on whom you can count for support.

Because in the end, things will go wrong. There is no perfect wedding day. However, having someone else help you regulate your emotions is a lot easier than doing it all by yourself, even if those emotions are initially joyful.

Perspective

I married my best friend 48 hours ago. The after-wedding reality is a bit more to deal with than I had anticipated. I'm not ready to talk about a lot of things, thus the blogging hiatus. However, I did want to put up a post today about perspective and the wedding day before the long break. I don't want to let slide the important lesson I'm being forced to learn.

Big Spoon was incredible this weekend. He was supportive, grounding, calming and helped me gain perspective when I lost mine. And I'm ashamed to say, I lost it a lot. He reminded me again this morning that despite everything, we're married now. We have the rest of our lives to look forward to and dwelling on one day isn't healthy for me or for us.

In the receiving line, my 80-year-old grandfather - with tears in his eyes - took us both by the hand and said "Always love one another and you'll have a long life. I know we have." Papa and Granny were married 62 years ago on December 11, 1948 when they were both 18 years old. Granny's aunt and uncle drove them to Franklin, KY and they married at the court house.

They don't have a single picture of their wedding day.

They don't have an invitation to frame, a dress to preserve or wedding keepsake to pass down. She probably didn't have any flowers. It didn't matter to them that they married at the court house nor do they really remember why they chose that. But 62 years later, they are still in love, still healthy and strong, and so very wise.

I got to spend one of the most important days of my life with my parents, parents-in-law, grandparents, siblings and their spouses as well as both our extended family and friends in a beautiful dress at a beautiful home beside my handsome husband.

If Big Spoon and I are married 62 years, I'll be the luckiest woman on earth. And nothing else matters.

Afterglow

This is going to be a short post.

I am going on a blogging hiatus. We're going to wait for pictures to come back, checks to clear, sanity to return and in general, adjust to married life. We are going to have a wonderful honeymoon in Mexico next month and once we're back, I'll share everything with you from our pictures to vendor reviews to our joys and disappointments. I'm drafting several posts in the meantime and will begin scheduling them to post starting Monday, November 22 (while we're in Mexico!).

I love being a Mrs. I love Big Spoon and I'm so happy that we're married.

Thursday Tips & Tricks

Sadly, I've really neglected this series, but I just don't have time most days to share all my good ideas! Today, we're four months away from our wedding day! Yay!

My favorite thing in the world (other than reading) is bargain shopping. I get a perverse thrill from finding awesome deals and my Mama taught me to share, so here ya go. Let's talk about Dollar stores. Sure, they can be tacky, but coming from someone who used to design stationery for the $1 market, you can find some really great stuff out there, too!

I dropped in to the Dollar Tree in Gallatin, TN this past weekend and holy smokes, they have a whole aisle of wedding stuff! Like this perfectly reasonable guest book mat for $1. It's 11 x 17!

Or these gorgeous glass votive holders for your reception tables. Also, $1 each. Also, look at places like Old Time Pottery for glass wear. They have tons of apothocary jars.

In the wedding aisle, I found silver bell place card holders (like the ones below) six for a $1 and I bought two packs for our buffet tables. They normally run about $1.55 each on wedding favor websites. I'd say this is a steal, comparatively.

Not to mention the possibilities for home decor and wedding signs by purchasing one of these little $1 luau signs. I bought one for a DIY project I can't wait to share with you! Hint: primer and spray paint.

Great thing about Dollar Tree is that you can now order wholesale from their website, so if you need 48 floating candle bowls, you can get them direct without going from store to store.

Next up, Big Lots. I freaking love this store. They always have a ton of scrap booking stuff and Martha Stewart crafts close-outs, among other fun finds. This was my favorite yesterday - talk about decoration your reception under budget! All these glass vases were $2 each or $2 per package of 3. Add a can of $0.97 white spray paint from Walmart and create "fake" milk glass jars for way less than they are going for these days. Cha-ching!

Happy bargain hunting!

Wedding Bands: Part 1 - Little Spoon

We are less than five months from our wedding day and the time has come to consider wedding bands. Let me preface this post by saying that I have been looking for several weeks now. Big Spoon suggested that we wait until late summer to shop for bands, mostly so I didn't drive him crazy and also so that I would have more time to consider the budget and my current "wants". The two don't always coincide. Instead of scaring you with revealing the budget we set for bands (here's a hint, we forgot to put it in the original budget), I'll make sure to put it in the breakdowns after the big day :)

See that little pink arrow? Little did I know, my "unique" setting would be so difficult to pair with a band of any sort. The two beveled diamonds on the side prevent me from buying a plain 'ol round band. After shopping online, in major chains and a few hometown jewelry stores, we've come to the conclusion that I need to a) have a plain band "notched" to fit the beveled diamond on the side of my solitaire, b) buy a contoured band and weld it to my engagement ring or c) have a ring custom made ($$$).

Yeah ... anyway, after Big Spoon humored me several times now and went band shopping anyway, I had an "ah ha!" moment yesterday. Hold on to your seats, folks. I bought my wedding band for a grand total of $52.93 (without sizing). Whoa wa-what? YES. I am the queen of bargains ... for today, at least.

Really though, here's how it went down: ultradiamonds.com is an online jewelry retailer I became aware of through my Discover card. I luv my Discover card* and have been saving my Rewards cash back credit for our wedding. While shopping online, I checked my Discover card's rewards retailers and found Ultra Diamonds. I went to their website and found the band above for $299.00 (which is already a steal compared to other places). It's almost exactly like ones I have tried on at the major retail stores, but for much less. Combine the already great price with their current $100 off promo code and my Discover e-certificates redeemed specifically for Ultra Diamonds and voila! A $260 savings! 

I ordered the ring un-sized so that if it doesn't work out, I can return it within 30 days. They have a fair return policy and good customer service. I just couldn't wait for it to come in before I blogged about it! I'm hoping it can save someone out there some money. Specifically, if the quality of the diamonds in your band are less important to you than those in your engagement ring. 

Stay tuned for Part 2 when we reveal Big Spoon's wedding band! 

*We were in no way compensated for this blog post by either Discover Card or Ultra Diamonds. We like a good deal and we're telling our readers about it. Good day to you.

Guess What!?

Hey, guess what? Our musician friend who had to drop out of our wedding to go to another is back! We found out over the weekend that the other couple had to move their date. We're so stinking excited! We'll still be renting a speaker from our coordinator though (just FYI if she happens to see this post).

In other news, we've ultimately decided against including kids in the wedding ceremony. It's just easier for everyone. Kids are still invited to the wedding, however.

Look for a DIY post geared toward the guys later in the week! Hint: it's ridiculously easy and personalize-able.

Amazon (E-)Travel potential scam - beware, Nashville bridal show attendees!

Little Spoon and I just got off the phone with a questionable operation that set up a vacation giveaway booth at the Nashville bridal show on Jan. 17. We were called by an excruciatingly overcaffeinated "Arthur Hobbs" from Amazon E-Travel who notified us that we won a 7 day, 6 night vacation package worth over $4000. We could spend 4 days and 3 nights at one of three hotels outside of Disneyworld, then spend 3 days and 2 nights at Daytona Beach, and then spend 3 days and 2 nights in Fort Lauderdale. Somehow, 4+3+3 <> 7, and 3+2+2 <> 6. Of course, at each location, we'd have to listen to an "orientation" pitch from our "hosts" - I wonder if they'd be anything like this, but on the beach instead of the ski slopes? And despite saying that we'd get a confirmation e-mail in 60-90 minutes (along with a prepaid lump of vouchers in the mail in 5-7 days), that confirmation e-mail has yet to arrive. Not so good with the maths, these shifty time sharers.

Ooo! Ooo! And we also got a 3 day, 2 night bonus vacation to a variety of locations! Now, ordinarily the "taxes" on this prize package would be $1500, but the company just decided that's too much (and I'm sure the feds gave 'em a tax break), so they decided we only needed to give them $249 per person as a "processing fee". We just needed to start in Orlando. And pay for our own airfare to and from Florida. And give them our credit card information over the phone. Now.

Big Spoon calls bullshit.

While we were on the phone with them, I looked up their website (http://www.4amazonetravel.com). Turns out that it was registered through GoDaddy on January 1, 2010. The registration expires on January 1, 2011. Given that holding a website costs all of $11 for a year through GoDaddy, and a year is the shortest period of time you can reserve a domain, I hardly think these individuals are legitimate travel agents looking to build a long-term business strategy with their current assets.

They said they were located at 529 Beville Rd., Daytona Beach, FL 32119. The first and main result that pops up on Google for this address? Amazon-travel-club.pissedconsumer.com. This time, under the name of "Amazon Travel Club". Oh, did I happen to mention that this travel agency is open for 6 hours Monday-Thursday (10a-4p) and 5 hours on Friday (10-3)? And that they doth protest too much their legitimacy by saying at least 3 times that your call is being taped for training purposes and to protect you and them?

Once again, not so good with the maths, these shifty time sharers.

So, if any of you Nashville brides signed up to win a vacation at the Nashville Premier Bridal Show on Jan. 17, expect a call from the hyped-up, over the top salesperson who wants to get your credit card information ASAP. DO NOT give them your information and hang up on them. I only stayed on as long as I did to get as much info on them as possible to warn everyone about this questionable process. They essentially hung up on us when I indicated that we'd have to wait to give them our credit card information until the beginning of next month because our credit cards were "all tapped out" due to wedding expenses. Basically, they seemed uninterested in waiting a few days for us to consider this "offer", and time-critical, pressured decision making is rarely a tactic used by businesses I'd want to use.

They said that they were offering us this great package for the advertising they'd get from us telling everyone how fabulous our experience with them was. This is the free advertising you get when you're deceptive about what "winning a vacation" means and the numbers just don't add up. It may be legal, but it still feels like a scam.

Every Last "Detail"

Once upon a time, Little Spoon and Miss Jasmin began planning their weddings together ...They were three weeks apart. I was going to be Miss Jasmin's bridesmaid and Miss Jasmin would be floral artist extraordinaire for us.

Like many plans, things changed. Miss Jasmin decided that having a wedding in her native state of California would suit her nicely. I was very sad because, being my wedding year too, I have no extra vacation time to get to a remote location in NoCal. I struggled with what to do for weeks and finally told Miss Jasmin that I might not make it and in a gesture of fairness, asked Miss Jasmin if she still wanted to make beautiful flowers for our wedding.

And she does! Whew! I'll keep you updated on how things unfold, but in the meantime ... on to the announcement ....

Big Spoon and I talked for several weeks about the possibility of not being at Miss Jasmin's wedding, during which the idea surfaced that we should hire a wedding coordinator. Big Spoon was not on board at first due simply to the question of "they're going to do what for how much? Um .... " There's a lot more to it, but we'll skip along.

After contacting several reputable planners and companies, I narrowed it down to my top three and met with each of them within a week. All are delightful, lovely women who are excellent at what they do. It mostly came down to a gut feeling (and the budget) that Margaret of Details by Margaret was the best fit for us.




I first met Margaret at the Elegance Bridal Gala back in August 2009. We immediately clicked and I entertained the idea of a coordinator for a little while, then realized that we didn't have the budget for it. I won a set of customized wine bottle labels from her and that kept us in contact up to this point.

August was a long time ago, so I met up with Margaret again and instantly remembered what I liked so much about her - she's very proactive, has a "can do" attitude and goes above and beyond because she truly enjoys helping budget brides. We are so excited to be working with her and I'm happy to eat my previous words.

As of now, we're going over the budget for this service. However, I'm hoping some of that my budget estimates are overestimates (perhaps the stationery?), and I can shift some money around to cover at least some of the cost of coordination.

Thoughts on Planning a Budget Wedding

A dear friend of mine, who has been an active participant in my wedding planning process, got engaged on Halloween. She and her fiancé will be getting married exactly three weeks after we do. There's a whole lotta planning going on! A few days later, she text messaged me "where do I start?." Hey, I'm not an expert (yet), but it helps a lot to start with the money. 

I consider us a budget couple. Right from the start, we were on the same page about finances. You know, the "big stuff." We have a few differences, interests and quirks that make us a well-rounded couple (doesn't everyone?), but money matters is not one of them. When we developed our wedding budget, I shot high, he shot low and we met in the middle. We feel like the amount we are spending is reasonable and most importantly, sane. We even have a separate checking/savings account for the wedding. Does this mean we can hire a specialized vendor for everything under the sun? Nope. We had to prioritize.

Perhaps "Simple and Sane" could be our other wedding mantra, but however we spin it, my goal is to create a day that is reflective of who we are and what we value most. So far, its been more than fun to plan the wedding together and with our loved ones. At the end of this adventure, I want to reveal our budget breakdown, just like {The Thirty-Something Bride}! For now, I’ll settle for telling you a few of the things we’ve passed on paying for and what we’ll be doing ourselves:

• Flowers – The aforementioned friend works for a wholesale florist. She’s hooking me up (and she’s really really good!)

• Coordination – Again, my amazing friend will be handling this for me. I love her. 

• Videography – I love professional wedding vids, but honestly, its going to be one of those things that never gets watched or looked at. No, really. I’ll ask a friend with a handheld.

• Transportation – Eh. This was a no-brainer because neither of us really care. I have a new car named “Hatch” and he’s gonna be sporting a $2 Martha “Just Married” banner like whoa.

• Expensive Wedding Cake – Big Spoon let me work this one out for myself. I blogged about it a lot. Here and here. Oh, and here too. We’ve found a local bakery for fractions of the cost of other vendors. Hellooo real wedding cake!

• No Alcohol – Big Spoon doesn’t drink and our families don’t drink. It is also a two-hour reception. That isn’t long enough for me to feel safe serving alcohol. 86 the booze.

• Other – No professional lighting, no bridal portraits, no day-after shoots, no “second” dress for the reception, no bouquet or garter toss. 

• Invitations – I’m ever-so-happy to be designing our wedding stationery! I’m cutting some corners, DIYing and the like to make it all wonderful and affordable.



So, those are my current thoughts on the budget. Do whatever makes the most sense for you as a couple, but don't sell your firstborn child in order to pay for one day. 

Diamonds & Pearls

I was supposed to go to "Veil Night" at Arzelle's tonight, but something about this weather made me want to come home and watch a movie ... maybe sip some hot chocolate! I knew that Big Spoon wouldn't be home from work for awhile, so I headed out to our jewelry store instead.

I say "our" jewelry store because I can't imagine ever using another one as long as we live here! Wholesale Jewelers in Hermitage is stellar.

I have a nearly broken string of pearls that my parents gave me the day I graduated High School. Needless to say, no matter how inexpensive they were, they have sentimental value to me. They are freshwater pearls, not even beaded like the good stuff, but I want to wear them on our wedding day. The jeweler cut me a great deal on having them re-strung and while I was there, I sold some old yellow gold pieces I've held on to for a decade. Who says old high school boyfriends aren't good for something? I made $20 to apply toward my necklace repair. Yay!

My wedding dress is beaded with rhinestones and pearls. Pearls are my birthstone and definitely a favorite of mine - timeless and classic. I'm so excited to have them fixed and someday, hopefully, pass them along to my daughter or grand daughter.

400 Days and Counting

Our wedding day is exactly 400 days from today!

That means there are only 34 days left until we put the deposit down and book our venue, at which time I will reveal exactly where it is we are getting hitched. I've been hesitant to do so (although we looked at the venue in February) because we just couldn't book it more than a year in advance.

We have accomplished many of the "big" things already, which leaves a great deal of room to work on details that otherwise would be impossible (or at least more stressful) with a short engagement.

Wedding Hair, Part 1

Have you ever seen Steel Magnolias? Remember the part in the very beginning when Shelby states "I'm wearing my hair down because Jackson likes my hair down."?

After becoming engaged and beginning the wedding planning journey together, Big Spoon has often expressed a preference for my hair being down. Because of work, I typically wear my hair up or in a ponytail - it's just easier.

I had originally thought that I would like an up-do for our wedding day, but after trying on my dress and taking pictures last weekend, I have decided that "down" is the way to go. My mom agrees, my two best friends agree, my sisters agree, the girls at work agree - and it goes without saying that Big Spoon agrees - I should wear my hair down. Or at least half-down.

So far, this is my start on wedding hair inspiration. I'm thinking about something a bit more "edgy", soft and romantic than your standard tight curl.

Trimming the Fat and Other Stress

As the months roll by and 10/10/2010 becomes more of a reality than a distant date on the calendar, I have become increasingly obsessed with the budget. I like to think that I am a practical, frugal and sane bride. Big Spoon and I certainly have a handle on our finances and both feel that spending an outrageous amount of money on one day is foolish - for us. We sat down and listed our priorities, compromised and set a budget.

I knew things would come up, I just didn't anticipate how soon.

The wedding dress I have found is a bit more than I wanted to spend, which means the difference that would have paid for undergarments, shoes, accessories ... is now going into the cost of the dress. My parents want to pay for it, but my Dad was laid off from his job and I can't in good conscience let them pay more than a fixed amount.

The venue we are renting provides chairs and tables. That means we provide the linens, and even though I have busted my butt researching prices and contracts, weighing the pros and cons of making them or buying them, we still (at this point) only anticipate affording the table linen - no chair covers. The chairs are ugly, in my opinion, and they bother me. I think this is something I will eventually get over - a minor detail that is not going to majorly effect our wedding day - but that doesn't keep me from fantasizing about them now.

I decided in the beginning that I am perfectly capable of planning this wedding and then handing the reigns over to a friend or day-of-coordinator. What I didn't anticipate is HOW MUCH day-of-coordinators cost! Holy moses! I've asked a dear friend of mine (who is also doing our flowers) to assist and I hope it works out for us. I feel confident that she will do a fine job, I just worry that perhaps she'll need a helper.

So, in my head all the time, I'm thinking about a) the things I can't have b) the things I shouldn't want but do c) or how to cut costs in other areas.

Is this sort of thing normal?

Two kinds of wedding decisions

It seems that there are two major kinds of decisions about wedding-related matters: the major and the minor. The minor decisions are the ones that only impact the actual wedding day - things like the color scheme, the precise food items to be had at the reception, the time of day at which to hold the ceremony, and so forth. These kinds of decisions don't have much to do with anything besides small, individual quirks of preference. When dealing with these sorts of issues, the goal is to keep them minor and not have a huge blowup over whether there will be a chocolate or vanilla groom's cake.

In contrast, the major decisions are those that impact your life far beyond the actual ceremony, the kinds of decisions that will clarify where your fundamental values lie as a couple. For instance, take the wedding budget. Your initial individual impressions on this question provide valuable information about the way each of you approach money and financing large purchases. Are you the sort of person who doesn't care how much things cost - you just want the best celebration you can have? or do you prefer to stay within a limited budget as much as possible so that you have money left over for other things and/or want to stay out of debt as much as possible? or are you someone who wants a balance between having your dream ceremony and keeping it frugal? And if you don't have the same initial expectations, can you reach a compromise with which both of you can live? If you can't find common ground here, it may be an harbinger of money fights to come throughout your marriage.

Similarly, the size and composition of the guest list is another issue that brings to the forefront the structure of your families and friendships, along with their importance to each of you. Little Spoon and I have had disagreements on this issue, as I come from a tiny family - I grew up with me, myself, and my parents. My extended family (by which I mean aunts/uncles, grandparents, and first cousins) were people I saw once or twice a year growing up and haven't seen much since graduating high school. In contrast, Little Spoon grew up with a humongous family whose presence was known every Sunday afternoon at family dinners. She's stayed close with them through the years and still goes to multiple annual family gatherings. We had to work out a satisfying guest list that would let me feel like my family and friends have a presence while still honoring the depth of relationships she shares with her family. This issue took many months of discussion, compromise, and back-and-forth with parents before coming to a solution that pleased us both; it also highlighted issues surrounding family and its structure that will be considerations for us for decades.

There are other such issues that can crop up and can clarify some of the values you each bring to the relationship: the sort of venue you choose for your wedding (religious? non-religious? close to home? destination wedding? elopement?), the allocation of money to various components of the ceremony and reception (e.g., photography, venue, reception food and drink, dress and tuxedo, invitations, flowers), the size and composition of the wedding party, and other such issues can all reveal places where your values are in harmony or in contrast. Planning a wedding can be a stressful process, in large part because the decisions you make about certain aspects of the event reflect values with which you'll have to deal throughout your marriage.